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the modern day little red hen
as told by ronald reagan
once upon a time, there was a little red hen who
scratched about the barnyard until she uncovered
some grains of wheat.
she called her neighbors and said, "if we plant this
wheat, we shall have bread to eat. who will help me
plant it?"
"not i," said the cow.
"not i," said the duck.
"not i," said the pig.
"not i," said the goose.
"then i will," said the little red hen, and she did.
the wheat grew tall and ripened into golden grain.
"who will help me reap my wheat?" asked the little
red hen.
"not i," said the duck.
"out of my classification," said the pig.
"i'd lose my seniority," said the cow.
"i'd lose my unemployment compensation," said the
goose.
"then i will," said the little red hen, and she did.
at last it came time to bake the bread. "who will
help me bake the bread?" asked the little red hen.
"that would be overtime for me," said the cow.
"i'd lose my welfare benefits," said the duck.
"i'm a dropout and never learned how," said the pig.
"if i'm to be the only helper, that's
discrimination," said the goose.
"then i will," said the little red hen.
she baked five loaves and held them up for her
neighbors to see. they wanted some and, in fact,
demanded a share.
but the little red hen said, "no, i can eat the five
loaves."
"excess profits!" cried the cow.
"capitalist leech!" screamed the duck.
"i demand equal rights!" yelled the goose.
and the pig just grunted.
and they painted "unfair" picket signs and marched
around and around the little red hen, shouting
obscenities.
when the government agent came, he said to the
little red hen, "you must not be greedy."
"but i earned the bread," said the little red hen.
"exactly," said the agent. "that is the wonderful
free enterprise system. anyone in the barnyard can
earn as much as he wants. but under our modern
government regulations, the productive workers must
divide their product with the idle."
and they lived happily ever after, including the
little red hen, who smiled and clucked, "i am
grateful. i am grateful."
but her neighbors wondered why she never again baked
any more bread.
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